Jealousy. Not always a monster.

There is a fine line between unhealthy jealousy and healthy jealousy and I've been dancing with that line for nearly 2 years. Without jealousy we have no idea what we would like to strive for; but when it becomes about anger and even hate, we need to evaluate our feelings. Jealousy from a birthmothers perspective is slightly different in the way that I had a choice what decision I made. I felt jealousy long before I placed my baby but it wasn't about me. When I met Noah's adoptive parents I knew I loved them with all my heart, they are amazing in every way but I still felt jealous, I tried not to dwell on the jealous feelings I was having because I knew I had bigger problems but at least once a day I thought about the day Noah runs up to his mommy and says "mommy I love you!" and I'll never get that from him but someday he'll come up to me and say "Jen I love you!" We can choose to dwell on things that will never happen or we can choose to think about the things the will. Jealousy doesn't have to be unhealthy, it doesn't have to consume us, it doesn't have to be an angry feeling, it should be something that pushes us towards being better. God gave us emotions for a reason. It's ok to feel jealous, angry, sad, happy, excited; as long as we do it in a healthy way. Look towards the positive end of the spectrum, life is way to short to spend your time thinking negatively. I love my adoptive family and although I can feel jealous towards them sometimes I know they were meant to be Noah's parents. They are amazing and they give me an amazing example to strive for. I love you Jill and Spencer! Thank you for your support and love!