Part 1

In July 2008 I found out I was pregnant. I was alone and in denial. I didn't want to believe I was responsible for this new life. I wasn't ready to face a pregnancy by myself, but I also wasn't prepared to share this pregnancy with the birth father. He was in jail and was abusive, he didn't deserve to be a part of our lives. I told my parents the night I found out, they weren't hard on me like I thought they would be, but instead I felt their love for me more than ever that night. I'd be lying, if I said I wanted this pregnancy, but I knew this life inside of me deserved a chance. I decided to hold off on telling my siblings, I knew they would be angry and upset. Since I was already angry and upset with myself I couldn't handle making things worse. I never admitted to anyone how much I loved this child who was growing inside me, until July 28th 2008, my mother took me to LDS Family Services to meet with a counselor. When I first met her I didn't like her, its like she could she right through me and it made me seem so vulnerable. She said what I needed to hear and she didn't care if it offended me, and I love her for it. I knew from the very minute I found out I was pregnant I had to place this child for adoption. I felt it. I just knew. This child deserves a better than me, than what I can give. I can give the most perfect love, unconditional love, unselfish love. But I couldn't give my child a good father, a father who loved his mother and a father who would be there for my child. That's when I decided, placing my baby in another families arms would be the best for my baby and this is my journey.